Blog Layout
Prenatal depression, my story
Melanie Butcher • 6 May 2021
Depression during pregnancy & support available in Solihull & Birmingham
This is one of the few photographs of me pregnant with my second child.
That’s because at about 8-weeks pregnant, I was totally floored by pre-natal depression. I didn’t leave the house very much and mostly spent time crying, sleeping and eating chocolate, around trying to care for my 18month old.
This was something that I hadn’t experienced with my first pregnancy so it came as a complete shock.
My overriding thoughts were very negative, around how I didn’t want to be pregnant, and that I was being a ‘bad mum’ to both my toddler and my unborn child. My self-loathing, feelings of overwhelm and anxiety were exasperated by the fact that I thought I was harming my unborn baby with these negative feelings and stress hormones.
I mentioned these feelings to my midwife (although not in detail as I didn’t want her to think I couldn’t cope!) It was only my husband who I was able to be truly honest with about the thoughts in my head. Luckily he was brilliant and totally understood my fears and was able to constantly reassure me.
I did seek help but there was very little around and it took until 32 weeks pregnant to actually get any kind of professional support. Help came eventually through the specialist mental health midwife who referred me to the Perinatal mental health team in Birmingham outpatients service, who were great. Your GP can also refer you to them (and this may be quicker than waiting for the specialist midwife), but you may have to specifically ask as my GP was unaware of the service.
I also got support from Birmingham Healthy Minds,
where I was able to be triaged and then booked in for 6 sessions on CBT. I really didn’t think that CBT would be right for me but it really helped! It was lots of quick tips to try and I saw instant results. It also helped me to see how I had got into a negative thought cycle. Again there was a long waiting list but I’m glad I stuck with it. You can self-refer to their service.
I also attended some sessions at Acacia Family Support who you can self-refer to. This support charity are well worth getting in touch with if you are suffering during or after having your baby. They offer training, support and a listening ear in group and one-to-one settings. They also have lots of self-help guides on their website.
One of the hurdles for me seeking help was the fact that I wanted a home birth. I knew that declaring mental health issues would put me into the high risk category. I chose to attend a consultants appointment about the risk versus benefits and she was more than happy to rubber-stamp my informed decision. However, I now know that home birth is your right and your hospital trust will attend to support you during a home birth if this is what you decide is best for you - rubber stamp or not.
Following the birth, I decided to start taking anti-depressant medication. I spoke at length with the Perinatal Mental Health Team about the safety of the drug when breast feeding and I felt really reassured. They are the most informed team about the effect of antidepressants on your baby, both during pregnancy and breastfeeding. Your GP can also seek their advice on the most appropriate medication for you.
My messages to anyone suffering right now are:
- Seek help now. Support can take time so act early.
- Be honest about the extent of your feelings with those you trust.
- Know that you are not alone in feeling this way.
- In seeking help, you won’t be judged as a bad Mum.
- Hold this thought, 'It does get better'.
Other places of support:
- 24/7 NHS urgent mental health helpline for Solihull and Birmingham - Tel. 0121 262 3555
- Panda's is a national charity supporting pre and postnatal depression - https://pandasfoundation.org.uk
- Solihull Mind - http://www.solihullmind.org.uk
- Plus the national Mind website has some specific information on perinatal mental health - https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/postnatal-depression-and-perinatal-mental-health/about-maternal-mental-health-problems/
- Maternal OCD is a national charity co-founded by two mothers, who have experienced and recovered from perinatal obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) - https://maternalocd.org
You can also contact a birth Doula to work with you during your pregnancy and birth. Although we are not trained therapists, we work with you to identify any fears and worries you have about birth, make informed plans with you and then use this and our training, to help you to achieve the birth you want. We fully support your choices, are non-judgemental, and are a calm and trusted person able to provide you with continuity of care.
A book review of 'Why Tongue Tie Matters', by Sarah Oakley, a Pinter & Martin publication. This book covers breastfeeding issues, tongue tie division and how to get support.
My view as a Doula on what is wrong with the UK maternity system and how it does not support birthing people or allow midwives to work effectively.
As Doula's, should we be advocating and talking about empowering the women and people we support? Or in offering these things, are we actually removing power and choice?
These are the best books to read about pregnancy, labour, birth and parenthood, as recommended by a Birth and Postnatal Doula.
How can we become more accepting of Autism and support Autistic people to have better birth experiences?
This is a question I get asked a lot and, this year, I have seen a large increase in enquiries from people who are not yet pregnant. I love the fact that people are really thinking about their care and addressing any fears they have ahead of time. In essence, you can book at any time and the earlier you book, the more likely that your chosen Doula will be available around the time your baby is due. Also, the earlier you book, the more value for money you get as your doula will be available for questions and emails in all trimesters, and around the time of your appointments. The longer you have that doula client relationship, the more you also get to know one another and feel comfortable around your Doula so you are more likely to be relaxed during your labour. Many people choose to book around the start of their second trimester. I am very happy to talk to people and get them provisionally booked in during their first trimester and then confirm that arrangement and take a deposit after their 12 week scan (if you choose to have one). Once your deposit is paid, those dates around your due date are secured for you. Booking in around this time gives plenty of time for an introduction meeting plus at least two other in-depth meetings to talk about wants and fear, creating a birth preference plan and offer tips, support and information. The essence of being a Doula involves getting to know families ahead of birth, helping in pregnancy and knowing all your birth wishes, fears and expectations. However, sometimes circumstances change and you find yourself needing birth support last minute? Perhaps your birth partner is no longer able to attend or you find yourself in different circumstances to how you planned for your birth? If so, don’t panic. You can still get in touch with a doula right up until the time of birth and they will discuss with you how they can help. I can offer this service at a reduced price and you may find other Doula’s will offer similar.
Reassuring new parents that things do get better as your baby and toddler gets older. Includes tips on how to get through those tough early days.